Humanstuck
by Distopian Heart
Summary: Nepeta Leijon is a famous huntress. Karkat Vantas is a mysterious man. They met, they loved, they fought, and they separated. Now what will she do once he shows up again? Warning:Violence, maybe sex later, and my opinion of what the trolls look as humans!
1. Chapter 1

Nepeta Leijon stalked her way through the marble hall. Her high heels clicked against the stone, the sound reverberating satisfyingly. She ran a hand through her shiny bloodred hair, huddling a bit closer in her green fur coat. It was winter, and the blizzard outside, seen clearly through the huge windows lining one side of the hallway, made it that much colder. There had to be at least a foot outside, covering everything in snow's white, blurry blanket. The forest surrounding her house was out of use, sadly.

However, she was in a good mood. She had just heard from a good friend of hers that there was to be a wedding soon.

So she was famous, and rather ruthless, huntress that had almost no regard for the animals she was killing. That didn't mean she couldn't be a hopeless romantic.

Yes, she had always loved the concept of love. She enjoyed watching others being happy in their relationships. She wasn't entirely sure why, but it was said that it gave her hope that someday her own love would rescue her from the open, barren desert that was her heart. Not that she really liked talking about that man anymore, though he would never be forgotten.

She was off to find her housemate, Equius Zahhak. He had been her best friends since they were small children. He was a bit odd – he was an oversized, sweaty mechanic with a steroids addiction – but Nepeta loved him all the same. He had been abandoned as a baby, and grew up in an orphanage. Luckily, as soon as the two of them had gotten old enough, they got an apartment together. That apartment evolved into their current mansion.

Equius was most likely in the basement. That was where he had his mechanic's station, where he made his robots for companies in Japan. That was his way to rake in his money each year. Nepeta hunted large game and sold the fur to wig and coat companies, while keeping the meat for herself and her staff.

Nepeta made her way down to the basement and, sure enough, found Equius bent over the metal table, mask on and sparks flying out between a robot's lifeless body and a flame. She liked watching Equius work on his robots sometimes – he was so prim and proper and nervous above the basement, sometimes she just needed to see him in his natural element. Once he straightened and lifted his mask, she spoke in her small voice.

"This house is too big for two people."

He glanced over at her, slipping his gloves off. "There are far more than two people living in this house, Nepeta, and you know that."

"They don't live in this house. They work here. They live in the staff house," she walked over to the pile of failed robots, picking up the head of one. The lights where the "eyes" would have been stared at her, empty and dark. "I forget what it's like, to have a family like that."

Equius sighed, brushing some of his long, slightly greasy, black hair back behind his ear. "You have a family. It may or may not just be me most of the time, but I would like to believe I count as family."

She smiled at him. "Of course you do, Equius. You're wonderful family. I'm talking about a large family, surrounding me with love," she sighed, setting the head down on an upright torso. The programs connected to each other, due to Equius' invention of manipulative programming chips, and the robot's eyes lit up. The arms of the torso twitched, then started swinging happily. The head started to spout a checklist of things needed for babysitting.

Nepeta chuckled. "Anyway, the reason I've been thinking that is that some of our friends will now be incorporated in that kind of family."

Equius took off his tank top, and slipped on a crisp, white business shirt. "Really? Who?"

"John and Rose. They're getting married," Nepeta stood up, a grin showing on her face. "I'm so happy for them."

"Were you honestly surprised, Nepeta?" Equius raised an eyebrow. "They've been together since high school."

"Oh, I know, but I can't help but get a little rush every time I hear of another successful relationship," she looked at the robot Equius had been working on when she had entered.

It looked like one of his old robots, the ones his made for robotics team in high school. Those had always been clunky, dark things with bright red eyes. For some reason, he always added a pair of horns to them, as if that did anything.

"Been feeling nostalgic lately?" She asked, smirking.

He grimaced slightly, his usual uncomfortable, "I'm not sure what to say here" look. "Erm… Well…"

She giggled and hooked her arm around his, pulling him up the stairs. "C'mon. Dinner's ready."

*****3*

Karkat Vantas sat in his hotel room, upright on the uneasy, probably bug infested bed. He was staring at the pages of a book, but not reading it. His thoughts were keeping him awake and distracted. Outside was the balmy, warm nights of Bermuda. It was a paradise, really. And he had enjoyed his time there.

However, it was onto the next location. He was known to not stay in one place for very long, moving around every few months. It was part of the job – literally.

He looked up and found his own gaze glaring at him from the mirror across the room from the bed. Who's moronic idea was it to put a mirror right there? Honestly, just because he was in a hotel didn't mean he was using it for dirty reasons.

Well, he had a few times… But he was human. What could you expect from him?

His eyes traveled to the sleeping body next to him. The curved body carried his gaze from her tousled hair to her cold feet. She really was a beautiful creature, the usual staining mischief leaving her face in her sleep. It was such a shame he had to leave her without any notice. Oh well. Soon enough she'd forget about it. She was like that.

He turned to his right and saw the TV still going, the evening news playing. And of course, _she_ was in the news again. Nepeta Leijon. She was such a big face these days for some reason. Her only talent was hunting. She was fucking useless in the grand scheme of things.

But Karkat didn't look at the grand scheme. He focused on details. He focused on how Nepeta's smile looked more condescending than it was, and how the flashes of the cameras showed the warmth in her attitude. She may have been a complete bitch to the animals she killed, but she was such a good person. And she was an animal lover – she just didn't like large game.

He gave a half-smile at her image on the screen. He missed people like her. People who pretended to be stronger than they were, just to protect the ones around them. Nowadays, people just threw their emotions around and gave their hearts out like it was Christmas.

He set his book down on the nightstand, shutting off the light and the TV. He would have to wake up early to leave before she woke up. She was an early-riser. He laid down and turned away from her, closing his eyes.

He dreamt of Nepeta Leijon. It was a good dream.


	2. Chapter 2

Nepeta slammed back another scotch, the bitter liquid burning her throat. The golden taste covered her tongue, coating her senses with dumb ideas and a weakening resolve to stay out of trouble. The glass of the shot glass hit the wood bar with a satisfying ring that perked her up out of her alcohol-induced half-sleep. She hadn't even had that much, she just wasn't that talented at holding her liquor.

"You know what, Nep, I'm gonna revoke your free refills privileges if you keep taking shots like this. I seriously doubt this shit's healthy."

Nepeta sighed, looking up at the bartender, Dave Strider. He had been raised by his older brother in Texas, so he had a bit of a southern drawl. He was a bit of a bad boy, and had been since middle school. He was the kid who taught everyone what four-letter-words meant and bought everyone their first sex toy. He was the guy who'd had several girlfriends at a time – and always got away with it. He was the guy who rode a motorcycle everywhere, who had the crazy parties where almost everyone came and got laid. The guy who'd taken plenty of flowers from crazy fangirls – in more than one way.

All throughout middle school, they were just both friends with John Egbert. She and John were good friends, but he had dibs on John's "best friend" category. In high school, Nepeta and Dave actually started hanging out and became surprisingly good friends. They didn't seem compatible – he was the bad boy who didn't care about anything, and she was the hyperactive girl who cared about everyone and (almost) everything. Ever since then, they'd always go to each other if they had a problem.

In this case, Nepeta had started feeling selfish and gotten angry that John and Rose were so happy together, while she had let love slip through her fingers. She didn't like being so selfish, but she had lapses of anger. Usually, she'd just go hunting. But seeing as how it was winter, and she couldn't hunt, she and Equius had hopped a plane to Los Angeles to visit a certain coolkid DJ bartender.

"I'll be fine," she protested. She pointed at the glass, indicating another refill. Dave sighed and poured in some more scotch, which was quickly drunk by a half-drunk Nepeta.

"So, you going to open up yet or am I gonna have to get mechanic on your ass?" Dave asked.

Nepeta grimaced. "Your language causes some odd mental pictures, Dave," she said. Dave chuckled. "It's just. John and Rose are getting married."

"Don't you think I know that? John's been planning it since college. I'm the fucking best man," There was a barely detectable, though fairly undeniable tint of pride to Dave's words.

"What's going on with my lovelife? Nothing! Ugh! I shouldn't be feeling this way. I'm happy for them, you know that! But at the same time, I can't help but be so fucking jealous!" Her fist landed against the bar with a heavy thud, the sound fulfilling some slight part of Nepeta's anger.

"It's only a human reaction to being selfish when someone has what you don't," Dave reasoned, taking her glass and cleaning it. She was the only customer in the near empty bar, since it was so late. Equius was back at the hotel, most likely sleeping. "I wouldn't feel so guilty if I were you. If I had gone through the same shit, I'd be pissed too."

Nepeta sighed. "I guess… But I'm just so angry at myself. How could I let it get this out of control? Why can't I just _move on_ already?" She folded her arms on the bar, letting her forehead rest against her forearms. Her head was swimming in alcohol, and her usually strong-as-steel stomach was churning.

"Stockholm Syndrome, I'm guessing."

She glared up at Dave, who in response smirked and walked out from behind the bar. He sat down in the stool next to her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm not good with this stuff, and you know I'm not. But look, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or maybe a statue to hug, I'm all yours," he said as he pulled an awkward half-smile.

Nepeta smiles and hugged him. "Thanks, Dave."

"No problem, Nep," he said as she pulled away. "Now, get back to your hotel room. I'm sure Equius is still waiting for you to get back before he falls asleep. If you're still fucked up about it tomorrow, we can go to Vegas and gamble for a bit. Alright?"

She nodded. "Alright," she got up and started stumbling her way out.

"Take a taxi!" Dave called.

"I know!" She responded, flipping him off in the process.

Karkat rolled his head, cracking his neck in about ten different places. He hated early morning flights. About everyone boarding the plane was either hopped up on ten cups of coffee in the past hour or half-asleep zombies.

He eyed a family passing him in the aisle. Fucking nuclear as shit, with a son, a daughter, and a baby. The dad looked like the kind to play baseball with his son in the backyard everyday in the summer. The daughter was wearing a Taylor Swift shirt. The baby was asleep, but turning enough to be sobbing loudly the whole plane ride. The son was playing his DS, completely absorbed in what was probably a crappy Mario game.

Karkat nearly puked at the sight of them.

As he waited for all the coach passengers to board – he was in first class – he got a text from his friend, Sollux Captor.

_Hey KK. You on your plane yet?_

Karkat rolled his eyes at his friend, and texted back with, _Fucking obviously._

_Good. I'm in New York right now. We got a job for you._

Karkat's eyebrows rose in surprise. _Already? Damn, you guys are quick._

_We take our pride in our nation's stupidity._

_Fan-fucking-tastic. Now if you'll excuse me for my semi-decent flight, I'd rather learn about this stupid job when I get in the same damn state as you._

_Sure, KK. Whatever you say. :P_

Karkat facepalmed, slightly aggravated. Sollux's boyfriend, Eridan Ampora, some hipster douchebag who Karkat hated with a passion and constantly gave Sollux headaches – Karkat honestly didn't understand the relationship – had gotten Sollux into the habit of using emotes. Which annoyed Karkat to no fucking end. They were stupid and childish and all around fucked up.

Sollux was an Asian kid who was adopted as a baby. He was a complete nerd, who loved computer programming and hacking and even wore red and blue tinted glasses – and wouldn't have it any other way. He talked with a bit of a lisp, which annoyed him a ton, and Karkat was annoyed by it at first, but then got used to it and barely even noticed anymore. He was kind of a man whore, though. He went through relationships fast. Although, he seemed to genuinely like Eridan, which Karkat didn't understand in the least. The two of them met in college, when they became roommates freshman year. Sollux was bipolar, and Karkat had occasionally had to act as therapist for the poor kid at his worst moments, which is probably why Sollux was so comfortable around him.

Karkat was suddenly bored as the plane took off. He looked through his phone – fuck the plane rules, who says he can't have his damn phone on? – and found a certain number he hadn't texted in years. He wondered vaguely how she was doing. She probably didn't need to be bothered by him, though.

He was admittedly a huge asshole.

And yet his fingers did the typing anyway.

_Hey. I know we haven't talked in a while, and I regret that. We both said some stuff – let's put that behind us. How are you?_

He suddenly felt like throwing his phone out the window. But he'd probably get another phone with the same number, and then still have to read the reply, if she ever did reply. Which she probably wouldn't.

He put his phone away, and settle in for a nap. He wasn't tired, but his sleep schedule was erratic as fuck. He figured it'd be a good thing to start sleeping during normal hours.

As he fell asleep, he had a very similar dream to one Nepeta Leijon.

"_Look, Nepeta, let me explain."_

"_There's nothing to explain, Karkat."_

"_I didn't mean to-"_

"_I want you out of my house in two hours."_

"_Nepeta, listen for half a second, will you?"_

"_Why? To listen to words that I'm not even sure are true? Yeah, sounds like a great deal. Please, just leave me alone."_

_A hand grabbing a wrist. "Nepeta…"_

"_I said leave me alone!"_

_The pulling of a smaller body close. "You can't be that angry, can you?"_

_Struggling. "Watch me!"_

_A lowered voice. "You know as well as I do that's not going to end very well, Nepeta."_

"_Just-"_

_A kiss._

_An unwanted kiss._

_An unwanted relationship._

_An undying love._


End file.
